Thoughts

Thankful…

I am going to try and put a positive spin on the holidays this year.  Holidays have never been huge for me.  I had a single mother, who worked too hard, a father who didn’t care, and to add to matters my mother lost her mother when she was 20, on Christmas eve.  So we have a few little traditions… but mostly we avoid the holidays like the plague.

Add to it, that with depression and anorexia the last thing I have wanted is to be around people and around a ton of food.  My husbands family has only made it worse.  I dread the drama, the fighting, and end up engorging myself on food as a coping mechanism.  This year it’s not going to happen.  I am going to go into it being positive and ready to laugh at the inevitable mess.  So, let’s start with some positives:

1. I am alive, have two wonderful puppies, and a husband who in his own way loves me.  I have to keep reminding myself that he shows his love in different ways, and while I do not always understand that teasing me is love, for him it is the ultimate.

2. Even if they are neurotic his family has taken me in and they do care.

3. My mother, this should really be number one.  She has been there through everything, even if it was just to hold me while I cried and didn’t want to be alive anymore.  I am sorry for all of the stuff I have put her through.  She is an amazing woman, who seems to have an uncanny ability to call and check in at the moment I need it most.

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