Thoughts

Back on Track

It’s become apparently clear, I have maintained my weight within a Medically acceptable range for over a year now.  I should be proud of myself, but am not.  Why?  Because I am a fraud.  I don’t eat healthy and exercise to maintain my weight.  I binge, purge, overeat and then starve. To everyone else I am faking it, looking like I am getting a hold of my disorder and not worrying people.  I walk the tight rope of weighing myself to make sure I stay within range, but barely eating. To me, I can not even look at myself in the mirror.  I am an embarrassment!

 

The past two days I have eaten food until I was so sick I threw up, and then repeated it…. I then hid all the food I might binge on in my house, so I wouldn’t do it again.  Good thought, didn’t work.  So today I am making a declaration that yesterday was a setback and that I will not punish myself by starving.  I mean if I am ever going to truly be better I need to stop the cycle.  This binge, purge, overeat, starve isn’t working.  I feel like crap.  I am miserable and I am tired of pretending I am healthy.

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One thought on “Back on Track

  1. Pingback: The phases… | Best Regards, J

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