Dinner

You Decide….

I have been going through bouts of depression for about 6 years now, and constantly am amazed at how little a person who hasn’t gone through it understands.  My favorite line “Is why can’t  you just be happy.  It’s not like your life is that difficult.”  So I asked myself and a couple others who are going through similar situations why it isn’t so easy to just be happy, and received an answer I never thought I would.  My younger sister who has struggled with depression since her teens, told me that it really is that simple.  She doesn’t know why it is, but the time she pulled herself out of her deepest depression she made a conscious decision that she really was happy, and something clicked. 

This was not the answer I was expecting, especially because she is currently going through it again.  So what made that time different for her?  I asked, and she still doesn’t know.  She says one day she decided she just was happy and that nothing was going to stop it.  I have tried therapy, group counseling, antidepressants, hormone supplements, and natural remedies.  For me nothing has really worked long term, but I do know what my sister meant.  When I finally started gaining weight again after nearly being hospitalized and seeing doctors on practically a daily basis… it wasn’t something they did, it wasn’t the drugs.  No, something “just clicked,” and I started eating. 

Any ideas on how to achieve the “click”?  Because I seriously want to just be myself again.  I am tired of this empty person who is scarred to be around people, who has lost friends and family because I just can’t handle social situations.  This person who doesn’t even do the things she loved, and doesn’t know who she is anymore.  To quote Rocky Mountain Power, “let’s turn the answers on.”

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